regrets and romance

Long time I don't update this.... it's just things happened.Nothing major... I just got a little depressed really.The thing is I have this big tendency to isolate myself.I don't know why I do that but I can't help to feel happy when I don't find anyone I know in the bus back home for example... it's like a enjoy been alone.Of course we all need some alone time but I just don't know when to stop it.

The things only get worst when it's vacation time.I pass weeks without getting out of the house.The weirdest thing is: when I get out of the house and meet my friends I enjoy it, i like expending time with them.

Fortunally for me my friends insist in calling me and inviting me to go meet them.They have no idea how grateful I am for them taking me out of this vicious circle of loneliness.

Ok just about 5 seconds ago I almost had a heartattack.
Eveything was very quiet. (it's 1.56 am now)
And then I heard a creepy noise.
You know the kind of stuff that makes you jump.
It was nothing... at least I hope so.
But shit I hate to get scared out of nowhere.

Maybe is a sign I need to go to bed lol

Its funny how small things can kill your mood.

You're all happy, having a good time and then something happend and ruins everything.

I know a few people who can do this everytime...not nice.

I was drawing the other day when in the middle of the draw my black shapie just "dies". I don't own any other black sharpie so I had to stop drawing that...just frustrating.

I guess it's just life.

Yay happy birthday to me :)
Well not so happy really... ironic how one person can almost make the day that was supposed to be happy in a bad memory.
So let me explain my relationship with my dad: we argue a lot.Why? Because he thinks that just cuz he's the older one he's always right. I can't agree with that.And the fights almost end with me crying or wanting to do it, which I hate.
Anyway this morning he said happy birthday to me.
We went to my grandma's house for lunch to celebrate my birthday... HE decided to stay at home to watch the F1 race on the tv!
Then when we get back he went out with my brother.
It shouldn't bother me but it does.

But I guess I shouldn't let this ruin this day, a lot of people have done so many sweet things to me today and i can't ignore that.

"Is not what you do it, but how you do it."

I know that's not what McLuhan said, but that's what I got from reading his work in one of my classes...

A few weeks ago I saw a girl in college, she had bandages all over her arm, with a few blood stains on it.Suddenlly she just put the bandages up to show her wounds to a few people.It was like she was proud of them.

People around me saw it too and starting saying all those things like:
"How stupid!"
"Why would someone cut themselves?"
"Attentionwhore."

Made me remember whem i used to do it.Almost 4 years ago.
I felt myself in a weird situation.
Sure I only did a couple of times, and I never showed anyone... for some fucked up reason I couldn't talk about my feelings with anyone and just writting wasn't enough and sometimes I felt like like I was going to explode and cutting myself got me an instant relief.
Ridiculous I know, that's why i stop doing that.

So I caught myself in such a weird situation, I had no idea if I was supposed to deffend the girl and say "hey people don't do it just for attention" or agree with them cuz showing up her wounds in the middle of the class looked like someone how wanted attention.

So i kept quiet.

Now i feel like a hipocrate....argh!

Did you ever feel frustrated with everything in your life?
Well I do.
A lot really.
From the way I look in the mirror to the fact I always forget to bring something to eat, from the way I act around people to my (lack of) love life...
I feel useless but at the same time I feel like I shouldn't complain.
I'm so confused.

Wish I could sleep for a long time.

We used to go to the same school.
Diferent classes.
Friends in commom.
We walked together to the bus stop.
We took the same bus.
And we talked.
He was so nice with me.
We didn't knew eachother very well.
I loved the histories he would tell me: the thing he told me to do in the subway and how he was hit by a motorcicle and nothing happend cuz his skull was thicker than normal people.
It wasn't thick enough.
He was hit by a car when he was helping a driver with a broken car on the road.
Now he's gone.
30th october 2006.
I never had the courage to go to the funeral.
I felt like I didn't deserve to be there with the friends and family cuz we weren't close.
I regret that.
He has a special spot in my heart and I think about him all the time.
I only remember good things: his laugh, the way he talked, how he was able wear long sleeve shirt in the summer.

I feel blessed for the fact that he was in my life, even tho' it was for such a short time.

RIP Luis

It's easy to simply hate.

It's even easier to do it because everyone else does.

We don't even have to think anymore, all you have to do is repeat the stupid jokes you hear everyone tell.

I was in college today, in my first class of "Ethics" of the semester and the teacher was telling a bit about himself and all the things teachers say in the first class.He was talking about things he wouldn't accept in his class like cellphones, ipods and etc.When he mentioned cameras people started to laugh and someone said outloud: "who would bring a camera and take pics in the middle of the class?".Then he said: "An emo and who take pics of himself everywhere".

That actually irritated me.No because I'm emo or whatever it's just that I can't understand the new obssession with the whole "emo thing".

Emo jokes are the new homossexual jokes.

People don't see or don't care to show this form of prejudice.

This is sad.

When did we stop thinking about thinks we're saying and started just repeating?!

Am I being overdramatic? 

Don't we all love local bands?

How they get super happy when you talk to them after a show and tell you like the band.

How you can see the band getting better and better each gig.

How they're only cool when only 100 "scene kids" know them but when start to get some more attention they become sell outs.

I think we pay too much attention in stupid thinks.

But I can't help.